April 13, 2020

Miserable Comforter

“I have heard many things like these;
    you are miserable comforters, all of you!
Will your long-winded speeches never end?
    What ails you that you keep on arguing?
I also could speak like you,
    if you were in my place;
I could make fine speeches against you
    and shake my head at you.
But my mouth would encourage you;
    comfort from my lips would bring you relief.
Job 16.2-5 NIV

No human on planet Earth will remain unaffected by the Pandemic of 2020. It will redefine the world; nothing will remain untouched by it. It has ravaged bodies and will continue to. It will ravage economies, cultures, nations.

Consider the dead:

 Over one-hundred thousand dead as this is written. Hundreds more will be added when we wake up tomorrow to another day of sheltering ourselves from deadly contagion, if we’re the lucky few.  

Consider the dead:

Loved ones cannot hold the hands of the virus stricken. Funerals and cremations arranged remotely. Bodies stacked up and unclaimed, sorted in refrigerated trucks, families weeping individually, alone. Psychologists call this ambiguous loss; the loved one is gone but the village, the tribe cannot send them on their way by celebrating them with public grief. If we gather, the virus sickens or kills the tribe.

Doctors, nurses, technicians and sanitary workers will cry before endless overwhelming death, be stricken with PTSD and some will succumb to the virus they are left defenseless against by those who know better. They alone comfort the dying by placing plastic gloves in living hands, and they are blessed for that.

The dead:

 Each person who dies leaves a network of family, friends, students, teachers, lovers, fans or satisfied customers at the butcher, accounting office, gym or medical practice. Rivulets of grief by the thousands roll downhill and become a flood. Seven hundred people in one day; a 9/11 every four days. Eight-hundred people a day in the Obituary section is a river, a lake, a sea of grief. A thousand weeping families? Two thousand refrigerated bodies?  

An ocean of blood and ice.

The living:

What leader will comfort us? How will we be comforted? Franklin Delano Roosevelt comforted a nation through Depression and war. Ronald Reagan comforted after our hopes and hearts exploded over Cape Canaveral. George W. Bush learned how and comforted us the last time New York did America’s dying for it in the rubble of global jihad. Barack Obama comforted us after the senseless slaughter of babies at Sandy Hook and murders in a black church; amazing grace, how sweet the sound…
 
Who comforts us now? Even those who deny it fear for their lives. Our health care workers, our front lines have no line of supply; there is no Medical General Patton is moving against this invisible enemy.

We fear death. We fear living. We fear the future. Show us a sign. Show us something. We need a steady hand, but we don’t have one:

 We have a miserable comforter.

We have a man who, for whatever reason, is incapable of showing anything remotely resembling warmth, compassion or humanity. He delivers long-winded speeches, keeps arguing, shakes his head and makes speeches at us but were we in his place…

We’d say more than gee that’s too bad or I’m doing a great job or Fake news or China or We’re not a shipping clerk.

It’s not going to get better, soon. The shit is hitting the fan and there’s more shit behind it. The virus is hitching rides to the heartland in the bodies of the gullible, the innocent, the hardworking, the scheming and the compassionate. It will kill someone’s one mom or dad who thinks “this isn’t so bad.” It will kill someone’s favorite coach. It will kill a mom with three kids. It will kill any of us by feeding on our lungs. It will exploit disaster. It will spread after tornadoes, floods, hurricanes, fires.

The economy will be horrible; more grief will follow. Recession a certainty, at best. The virus will not relent. The least of us will get it the worst, as usual. We’ll be begging for immigrants to come pick our crops, care for our milk cows, slaughter our meat, bury our dead, change our sheets…  

We’re on our own; we’d better stick together at a safe distance. Help each other financially, spiritually, humanly. At the very least, let our lips bring each other relief.

We need not be miserable comforters, even if one was elected as President of the United States.






April 7, 2020

To: Gender Kids in Plague Time

I see you, young gender kids.

A French Trans Woman peeks between her fingers
NANA; Place Blanche Parigi 1961-Photo By Christer Strömholm © Christer Strömholm

Some of you are young at the age of 55. Some of you are living your real lives for the first time. Some of you live on the street. Some of you hide for your own safety.

I see you.

While a brutal virus scourges bodies in the Northern hemisphere on our continent, the only attention you get is from the Church of the Eternally Negative who fill statehouses, stadiums and megachurches with ignorance, greed, guns and gullibility.

But I see you.

You had breast reduction surgery scheduled for March 20th; canceled.
You had gender confirmation surgery scheduled for April 6th; canceled
You were flying to Thailand on March 30th for gender confirmation on April 1st; both canceled.
You were going to the clinic in the big city away from the small town you live in to see the doctor who understands who you are and to make some plans on March 25th; you can’t go now.

I see you.

The larger culture doesn’t see you, but I do. I’m a unique gender snowflake like you. I grew up in a house filled with fear, negativity, invisible mental illness and foursquare faith in the almighty dollar.

You are attacked relentlessly. Your bodies. Your spirit. Your livelihood. You are attacked by a crowd who drink fear for breakfast in their energy drinks in cupholders of rusty pickups driving in abandoned towns; addicted to typing insults into little boxes to ease their emptiness.

You get up each day in the fight. You are more man, more woman, more all of the above and none of the above than they will ever be, and they know it, goddammit, they know it. You served your country in a squad, in a tank, in a cockpit until their god, their greasy back-combed golem, keeper of the shibboleth typed into a little box and loosed the dogs of ignorance against you.

I fucking see you.

A month, a week is a forever. I waited forty-six years to even dare explore the idea that maybe, just maybe I am not crazy, that these are more than feelings, they are affirmations from a deeper truth that will bring me joy and peace. I poured alcohol, cocaine, Benzedrine on mine to make it shut up, but it won’t shut up.

You won’t be stopped. You won’t shut up.

This virus is the latest plague. Queer people rose up to defeat another plague and they were not stopped. We are bigger. Their god is fake. Your god, or no-god, is real, true, human and healthy.

Fuck Idaho. Fuck Hungary. Fuck The Federalist. Fuck the TERFs. Fuck Franklin Graham.

I see you. This will not stop you. Love will win. If your blood family won’t love you, we will.

I see all of you, in my heart.

Love, an Elder Queer.

 

March 26, 2020

American Carnage

I’m not sure I’ve ever underestimated it, but to see the breadth of Donald Trump’s cold, sociopathic venality is enraging.

Bodies are piling up in refrigerated cars and he’s cluelessly tweeting us happy talk.

Our people, our fellow citizens at war with a virus and he’s too much who he is, a lover of chaos and meanness, to give bullets(as in PPE and ventilators) to the troops in the front lines. If Coronavirus were the Nazis, he would be Vikdun Quisling, and his pathetic gang of simpering enablers the Vichy French.

He loves seeing this virus make governors fight each other and his own weakened FEMA fight over respirators, swabs, gloves, gowns, and face protection.

When he spoke of “American Carnage” he didn’t tell us he would stand by and watch while we died.The virus doesn’t give a shit if you wear a MAGA hat or a hijab.

If there is pink foam coming out of your lungs you won’t care if the doctors or nurses trying to save you are gay, lesbian, trans, Latinx, Muslim, Buddhist or atheist.

I hope I live long enough to spit on his grave. I curse the day he was born and the deluded millions who think he was sent by God.

If God sent him, it was a curse on this nation. Feel free to ignore me and follow him down the road of sneering contempt for human life and of any word ever spoken by Jesus of Nazareth.